About a week ago, Stella and I went over to Walmart for some roach traps. Her apartment was being invaded and she needed firepower to ward off some six- legged beasts.

“How are those Pantene samples working out?” I asked, noticing that her hair was much more voluminous and vibrant.

“They’re okay,” she said, running her fingers through her hair. “I hope you’re not trying to convince me to take surveys.”

I put my palms up. “I’m just asking. Also, I just got some more samples in the mail. I’ll bring them over to you this Friday.”

The automatic doors shifted open and we stepped into Walmart.

“Whoa, did someone set the air- conditioner to ‘Antarctica’ mode?” Stella asked, shivering.

“Feels like it,” I said, hugging myself.

We searched up and down the aisles for the insecticides. We stopped to ask a sales associate, who only shrugged and said, “Sorry, not my department.”

We asked around some more. Same shrugs, same answers.

After twenty minutes of wandering, Stella said she needed to step out for some sun. “If I stay in here any longer, I think I’ll fall into a frozen coma.”

On the way out, I saw that the roach traps and insecticides were located in a weird kiosk near the automatic doors. It was blocked by another display.

The cashier explained that those items had bar codes that were not yet registered in the system, and so they were not for sale.

I informed Stella, who decided it was a better idea to find roach traps elsewhere. We hopped in the car and dropped by a local convenience store. They had roach traps, but of an inferior quality. Stella shrugged. “It’s better than nothing, I guess.”

That night, when I arrived home, I saw that I had received an email from 5in5Now.com. It was a customer survey for Walmart. “What a strange coincidence,” I thought. I saw this as a opportunity to talk about my crummy experience.

I followed the links, filled out some questions, and waited. The whole process took an hour or so. A week later, I opened my mail and saw a $250 dollar gift card for Walmart.

I drove up to Stella’s apartment to share the good news. She was wearing a winter coat, a knit hat, and leather gloves.

“I turned my air conditioner to Antarctica mode,” she said, “Got rid of all the bugs.”